You get what you pay for

What do addicts say the definition of insanity is?  I think it's online dating....and expecting a different result.  Blah!  I absolutely loathe dating but  I love being in a relationship.  Unfortunately, one can't have a relationship without the dating and herein lies the enigma.

I returned to a "free" online dating site and within five minutes of posting, I again got bombarded by the 20 year olds.  I find this fascination that these young cubs have with cougars interesting but yet also extremely overwhelming.  Some are so aggressive!  I really wonder if it is just about the physical desires, or if they want to be taken care of and pamphered financially.  Either way, I give most (but not all) a polite thank you and move on.  I must say they have silver tongues these pups and are always generous in their compliments.  Im sure in ten years, when the 20 year olds are no longer seeking me out I will regret that I didn't give at least ONE of them a try......

I love you, Im just not In love with you.....

I haven't posted for a while because I went and fell in love, but karma found me and he was cursed to not love me back.  I blame karma because I have no idea what else it could be.  This person told me i was "gorgeous" we have similar backgrounds, history, education, work, etc.    He also seemed very simple, smart and has a history of betrayal himself, so i thought for sure he would be overwhelmed and comforted by the unconditional gifts of love that I had to offer, but no.  I definitely know that I can be too much too soon.  I can't help it.  If I'm into you, you will be showered with love emotionally, physically and psychologically. I will write poems for you, sing for you, and want to clean your kitchen.  Oh God, i am pathetic.  :)   I think for the first time I understand the difference between love and being in love.  I have definitely loved many men over the years, but when you are in love, you become addicted, desperate, vulnerable and childlike. As I type, my throat tightens as I fight back the tears. It is truly the most painful thing I have endured, more so than losing my sons father.  I need to change my karma.  I now feel like I should track down the countless men that I did this to.  But I can't pretend to love them just to make them feel better, and perhaps that is how my beloved felt about me.