I love you, Im just not In love with you.....

I haven't posted for a while because I went and fell in love, but karma found me and he was cursed to not love me back.  I blame karma because I have no idea what else it could be.  This person told me i was "gorgeous" we have similar backgrounds, history, education, work, etc.    He also seemed very simple, smart and has a history of betrayal himself, so i thought for sure he would be overwhelmed and comforted by the unconditional gifts of love that I had to offer, but no.  I definitely know that I can be too much too soon.  I can't help it.  If I'm into you, you will be showered with love emotionally, physically and psychologically. I will write poems for you, sing for you, and want to clean your kitchen.  Oh God, i am pathetic.  :)   I think for the first time I understand the difference between love and being in love.  I have definitely loved many men over the years, but when you are in love, you become addicted, desperate, vulnerable and childlike. As I type, my throat tightens as I fight back the tears. It is truly the most painful thing I have endured, more so than losing my sons father.  I need to change my karma.  I now feel like I should track down the countless men that I did this to.  But I can't pretend to love them just to make them feel better, and perhaps that is how my beloved felt about me.