Ok, I admit. Ive been quite lazy lately, with the summer heat and vacations and all. I decided to just sit down and pen out some recent dates before I purposely forget what happened.....
So I met another potential suitor online several weeks back (you'd think Id learn, but hey, it makes for the best material). He has an advanced degree and has this "sexy ugly" thing going on....and the fact that he is smart? Well, that is a super bonus. So we start texting back and forth and as usual, the conversation starts getting sexual. I don't know why this happens, but it always does. I did my best to re frame and redirect the direction of the conversation until we agree on a mutual place to meet the following day. I get to the pub early and order a Bloody Mary. After the words come out of my mouth, I remember it was the day before payday and admittedly I had no cash. So first off, I'm praying he shows and second, I'm praying he is gentlemanly enough to pay.
My date walks through the door with a big smile and a smile quickly spreads over my face as he looks just like his pictures that he posted (yes, many men put up their high school pictures, I know women do it too...but c'mon!). The conversation begins with the usual awkward questions and my guy is definitely giving me the look over from head to toe. I must of given him a look of concern because he said: "um can I ask how much you weigh?" :0 Are you serious? I didn't know whether to laugh or be pissed. I mean, who has the balls to ask that? I told him he obviously hasn't been "trained" and since he is just getting back to the dating world, after a long marriage, I would give him some free advice. I told him there are three things you absolutely cannot, ever ask a women and they are:
1. How old are you?
2. How much do you weigh? and
3. Are those real.
My date, seeing the horror in my eyes, quickly came back with: "don't get me wrong, I find you extremely attractive, I was just wondering." Oh god....
So I didn't walk out. I had a drink to finish, right? And don't forget he is paying! My date ordered food and actually the conversation went much smoother and as noted earlier, he is highly intelligent so we had much to talk about. After we wrapped things up, I told him it was a pleasure meeting him and began gathering my personal affects. He quickly asked if we could "go to my car." I stood there looking at him for a while, wondering if I was in 2012, or 1986? I told him no, we couldn't go to my car. He said fine, we could go to his car....This just keeps getting better. So we walk outside and find his car. Its a suitable sedan, one that matches his liberal lifestyle. I climb in and instantly think about an episode of 20/20 I watched recently. Also, as an experienced adult, I know better than climbing into a strangers car. Thankfully, its only 6:30 p.m. Its light out, and with my sweet federal training, I feel comfortable taking him on (oh, and I obviously weigh more than him, right?). So as soon as he gets into the car, he leans over for the attack. I'm bombarded by tongue and spit and hands gripping the back of my head. Ugh!
Sometimes, men can be lured into kissing like you do, so things go much smoother but this was not one of those cases. I pulled back with a snap and told him: "dude, you absolutely have no game." He didn't get what I meant, so I told him. You really need some training. You cannot go around attacking women like that. I thought I was getting through to him, but changed my mind when he asked if I wanted to come over to his house later. I politely turned him down but stated that because I see hope in him, he is welcome to stay in touch with me for "game" lessons.
Lesson Learned: Its better to play games with those who know the rules.....
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