Rise and Shine!!!!

So there I was, enjoying a beautiful summer morning laying in bed. Yes, It was early, 7:30 I think, but Diesel gets up early and I was used to it, so I lay there going through my phone, and used the time catching up on emails and texts. Sometime later, Diesel walks in and starts messing with the sheets, instinctively I assume he is trying to make the bed, so I smile and say: "Oh, I'll make the bed when I get up, don't worry." He looked at me with deep creases in his forehead and says "No, I need to do laundry." I paused a moment looked, at my phone, 7:45. Hmmm.... Ok, guess its time to get up. I'm sure he had a bunch of stuff to do, so I didnt make that big of a deal out of it. I get up, do the usual morning routine and head out to the living room. Diesel was sitting on the couch. I plopped down next to him and ask what he had on his agenda for the day. He said: "Not much, I have to stick around the house until at least noon, waiting for the maintenance man to show up." I suddenly felt my blood pressure rise. He's going to sit around the house all morning but he had to get me out of bed to do laundry? "So what was with kicking me out of bed?" I asked, he told me that he has a specifc routine that he follows and he has to do the sheets first. "Really?" "You can't do anything else first, like towels?" "Oh no!." He said, "if you do towels first, your sheets will get lint balls on them." It was at this point I had a flashback to my childhood, when my uncle Max brought over his prized doberman pincher dogs. They were trained using hand signals. Dad was quite impressed with the dogs and spent the next week trying to teach my dumb ass Old English Sheep dog the same hand signals. Needless to say, it was a bad week, for both Bandit, my dog who had no idea what was going on, and us kids, who had to watch Bandit get the crap beat out of him by dad, for not learning the hand signals. Flash forward.... I looked at Diesel and began explaining that it was rude to ask a guest to get out of bed early, to do a chore, especially when it was something he could do hours later. He again tried to explain his "routine" and how he does things a certain way or gets anxiety, etc. etc. I realized that like my dog Bandit, it was a losing battle and I could either take the "beatings" or just leave. I gathered up my things, kissed him on the forehead and left his doghouse.

You Really Cant Teach A Dog New Tricks

I really cant be pissed, mad or upset. I was well warned, and by many many people. I also knew better, having my very own opinions, thoughts and feelings about this "dog," but I did it anyway. It's like when you tell a kid "don't touch that, its hot!" The hot iron is just too tempting, and begs to be played with. I must admit that there were fun times. This person is hilarious, and could actually keep up with the 15 year old adolescent male inside me (probably where his maturity level stopped developing). There was always some immature joke to share or laugh about. i realize now, it was a defense mechanism of his. Anyway, I thought I was such a cool girlfriend and a great sport, especially when he would "check out" good looking girls in my presence. Who else would put up with that? I really must have my shit together, because my girlfriends would have lost their minds, but not me..... Several weeks ago, Diesel and I (a code name, to protect his identity) went to Snowbird with another couple. While there we were in a club and he left unexpectedly and was gone for about 30 minutes. When he finally came back, he was with three women that he happened to "run into." He introduced them and said he worked with them. There was a live band playing and Diesel asks one of the girls to dance with him. The girl, feeling a little uncomfortable, asked me to come too, but I wanted to be the "cool" girlfriend and said "absolutely not," you two go have fun. After seeing her questioning me, Diesel then asked me to dance with them, but again, I refused to go...he obviously didn't want to dance with me, or he would have asked me first, right? The couple we originally came with couldn't believe that I would let my date dance with another girl, I just shrugged my shoulders, as I watched him lift her up on the dance floor and spin her around. After the dance was over, I saw him waving to me. I walked over to him and he pulls out his iphone and asked me if I would take a picture of him and her. "Absolutely!" By this point, the situation I was in was so ridiculous, I felt like i was in a family guy episode. I told them to smile, and Diesel, picks her up and she flings back her head and kicks up one leg. Diesel then stays on the dance floor long enough to post the picture on Facebook. About a week after getting back from Snowbird,I get a phone call from my secretary at work. She tells me "I think I just got asked out on a date by Diesel." My secretary is on the popular dating website Plenty of Fish (POF), is 10 years younger than me and lives in Weber County. My heart sank. I had been having red flags about Diesel and even discussed with him some of my concerns the previous Friday, but he had expressed his love for me in front of our mutual friends and i thought just maybe he was serious. I asked my secretary to take a copy of his profile picture and send it to me, just to make sure it was him. The next thing I knew, Diesels face is starting back at me, a fork and spoon in each hand and a bib around his neck. It was a familiar picture of him eating seafood at a restaurant. I told my secretary that yes, that was him. She asked permission to rip him a new ass. Of course I said yes. That would provide temporary satisfaction, but I knew it would be short lived. I never gave my heart to Diesel, Im in love with someone else and always will be, but I wanted to believe that someone loved me. I wanted to believe that maybe it was possible. But ultimately, I knew better. Several weeks have gone by now. Im finally in a place where I can feel sorry for Diesel. He desperately wants to be in love, yet will never find it because he cant be trusted. His self esteem is so low, he sabotages relationships. He flirts with every girl he meets in order to build himself up. People come in and out of our life for a reason and Diesel came into mine, to remind me that I cant change people, and the best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. If they have a history of cheating, they will most likely cheat again and its not my responsibility to fix anyone but myself.

Happy New Year!!!!

I heard from Patton II at 4:22 p.m. on January 1, 2013.  I know this because his text is still in my phone.  It was a nice message: "Happy New Year!  now that the holidays are over and things are getting back to normal, I would love to see you again...."  Wow, I was so surprised.  Instantly my face lit up and I quickly typed back: "Oh Good!  I would love to see you as well."    Today is February 1, 2013. I still haven't heard from Patton II.  Maybe he forgot that I was "that girl,"  and once he remembered me, vowed to never call again. Or maybe he met someone in between.  Who knows.

Patton II

So I head from Patton II again. It was after Thanksgiving but before Christmas.  I had totally written him off, after potentially hurting his feelings, telling him he looked like Mickey Rourke.  Anyway, the holidays were around the corner, I was feeling lonely and I desperately wanted to enjoy the downtown scenery.  Patton asked if he should pick me up or if we should meet.  Since he lives downtown, I told him it would be fine if we just met.  Patton picked Cucina Toscana.  On a side note, I find it a huge turn on when men make the decision on where we are going or what we are going to do.  I absolutely loath the "where do you want to go?"  Anyway, I didn't recognize the restaurant but Patton told me it was on Pierpont Avenue, so I had an idea what is was and the kind of restaurant it was.  

Like any girl, butterflies set in and I turned my Saturday into an all day spa day in preparation for my big night.  Time clicked by quickly and I realized that I had better get going.  I dressed accordingly, wearing designer jeans, a multi-colored cardigan  that tied delicately at the chest and my favorite riding boots. I definitely didn't want to be overdressed and I was pleased at my mid-range attire.  I get to the place where I think we are eating at and the address doesnt match.  I am mortified. I was right on time, but now I had no idea where the restaurant was.  I quickly googled the restaurant and realized that it was blocks away.  It was dark and it had started raining. I had parked at work which was blocks away in the wrong direction, so I decided I would just start walking.  I get to the restaurant late and a quick glance at my reflection in the glass window finds my hair is flat and sticking together in wet clumps.  I decide there is no turning back so I just go in with my biggest smile.....but then my mouth drops.  The restaurant is gorgeous and the patrons are even more beautiful.  Men are wearing suits and the women look like they just stepped off the red carpet.  Many had on formal wear.  I look down at my outfit and feel completely under dressed.  I see Patton and I apologize for being late and for my attire. He downplays it nicely and we get seated.  Patton orders wine for us (another thing I love) and insists on a certain kind of appetizer.  Already nervous and upset about how the night has started, I down my first glass a wine.  I hadn't ate since the morning and the wine instantly put me back into a very chatty mood.  Patton again does his usual quiet stare down. I wish I knew him better.  Maybe that was normal behavior for him.  For me, it as torture.  I went over the various topics that I had pre-planned on talking about, until our appetizer came.  Patton told me to go ahead and gave me various instructions.  It looked like some type of bread dish with various sauces.  The bread looked a bit unusual having a deep baking ridge down the center.  Patton told me that he enjoys the dish by pouring the sauce over the bread.  I looked at him while thinking about it.  What an odd thing to do......but maybe that is why the bread had the groove in it right?   The next thing you know, I pick up the sauce and pour it all over the bread loaf.  Patton about spit out the wine he was sipping and said: "No, not the whole thing, you cut off a piece and do it individually."  Needless to say, I was mortified.  The sauce flowed over the sides and through the wicker basket lining and onto the table.  I debated on walking out,  but the wine had kicked in and I was relaxed enough to make a joke about it.  Patton insisted our linen be changed.  I replayed the incident over and over and figured at least he would have a good story to tell his friends.

The rest of the night went without incident.  Patton drove me to my car and I saved him the awkward or obligatory kiss.  I told him he was a good sport and that I appreciated the lovely evening.  Without emotion, Patton told me that he would like to see me again but that he would be especially busy over the next few weeks because of the holidays. Yeah, sure...I said as I hoped out of his car and started walking toward mine. I didn't want him to think he needed to say or do anything to make me feel better, especially something that he would most likely not follow up with.  The little girl in me wanted to cry, the teenager in me wanted to laugh but the woman in me went home and chalked it up to just another one of my "learning experiences."

General Patton

Shortly before Thanksgiving, I met a Patent Attorney. I have dated this kind of attorney before.  They are extremely bright (book smart), but so cerebral that it almost gets in the way of normal conversations.  Anyway, in trying to get over the first "General Patton" (get it?) I decided to give this one a try. We met at The New Yorker, which I had not been to for years.  I felt very special and sexy.   He was so quiet though, that I felt obligated to keep the conversation going.  He would stare at me inquisitively and I could see his wheels spinning, desperately trying to figure me out.  Half-way during the conversation I decided I was most likely not his "type."  When I get to this point, I usually change the whole scenario and my attitude and behavior and just start saying whatever pops into my mind or out of my mouth.  He walks me out of the restaurant and across the street to my work. I pause at the side door and look at his beautiful, dark curls that he had slicked back and still looked wet.  I then asked him if anyone has ever told him he looks like Mickey Rourke.  His eyes widen which then caused me to blurt out:  "Not the ugly, post-face lift Mickey Rourke, the hot 9 1/2 weeks Mickey Rourke."  He cracked a smile and told me no in a very serious tone.  He then gave me the softest, most sensual kiss I had had in a long time.  I'm not sure if I will be hearing from Patton II.  I know I overwhelmed him.  I know I can be a handful and I know its going to take a very, very special person to both appreciate and keep up with me.  Regardless, it was nice to finally have an old fashion "date," and gave me a reason to smile the rest of the day.

Girls or Guys????

So I'm online dating again....how dreadful.  Someone recently told me that I'm never going to meet a decent man in a bar but I say that is highly debatable.  I think it is less likely that I will meet someone "decent" online.  I wonder if I return to online dating for the simple fact that it is entertainment, like being at the airport, except I am the one people are staring at.  Who knows, but I did have a recent encounter that was worth sharing, so enjoy.

I got emailed yesterday from a 38 year old woman.  She is cute, tall, rocking body and has the most perfectly implanted boobs I have ever seen.  I was feeling kinda proud that I may still be in the age bracket where both men and women find me attractive and I was bored, so I entertained her with some of my famous banter.  She told me I look like a lot of fun.  I told her I was, but that I could never compete with her body.....she then responds with a "lol....mine is paid for!"    We email back and forth and she gives me lots of nice compliments, asks me about work and then finally says:  "I really want to set you up with my ex boyfriend.  He is buff, ex LAPD swat and hung."  What????  I had no idea what to think about that.  First off, if she didn't want her boyfriend, why in the hell would I?  Second, the jaded officer in me started thinking, she is probably in a nasty domestic situation and its far easier to pass her ex off to someone new than to leave him and deal with the drama that would obviously follow.  I used my super smooth (funny) skills to get out of the situation by telling her that her ex would undoubtedly be disappointed in my almost 42 year old boobs, if hes used to playing with her "Tiffany" boobs.  She again texted how funny I am with an lol...all I know was, I wasn't laughing....

Papa Pump

When I met "Papa Pump" I was quite optimistic. I liked that he was my age and that we were into the same type of music.  He worked out regularly and was into body building.....mmmm I love traps.  Anyway, I'm getting off topic.  I was hopeful that he could get me off my but and back to the gym.   Mr. P was from back east, he had a strong personality like myself, which I loved.  He was also feisty with a sexy accent. He had been a professional umpire for 10 years, which prepared him for my potty mouth, crass humor and "curve balls" that I like to throw at people.  Essentially, it should have been a perfect match.

The first time I met him, he was full of compliments.  He showered me with kisses and kept telling me how good we look together and how we were going to "turn heads."  A little immature, but who cares. I was so emotionally starved that the attention was well received.  I needed this. I needed him.  

As the days went on, I started picking up on things that starting bugging me.  One, his roommates were female (not what your thinking, they were way older and um, cough! not attractive).  Who has "roommates" in their 40's?  Two, Mr. P had a degree in a really good field, but unfortunately, he had yet to pass the license to begin actually practicing in this field.  Three, Mr. P. was struggling financially and always talked about being broke. Third, he had a job that was obviously beneath him and one that even he admitted he was not proud of.   I instantly went into social work and probation officer mode and came up with a "life plan" for him. Unfortunately, he didn't agree with my plan or the fact that I even had a plan for him.  I can't help it. I am a nurturer and fixer. If there is a problem to solve (especially if it is not my own) I downshift until it is solved.  On several occasions when I suggested to help him study for the exam, he said that he felt like I was talking down to him and that it was emasculating to him. That definitely was not my intention but I could see where he was coming from.  Well, needless to say, this love connection did not last long.  I offered to help him one too many times I guess...he "unfriended" me from facebook.  I was hurt because one thing he always said was that he has remained friends with all his exes.  Ultimately, I decided that probably was the best way to end things.  There is absolutely no way for him to contact me....on the other hand, what a baby!  Stop procrastinating, get a life, your not getting any younger!  Ok, I feel better.....not really.