Horrible Holiday weekend. I had to put my 20 year old cat down. Yes, she was a bitch, yes, she only let me pet her on her terms, but yes, she was mine and loved me unconditionally. I also put down my most recent relationship. I'm not sure if it was the death of the cat, stress of the Holiday's or just my usual sabotage skills, but I just couldn't do it anymore.
He did NOTHING wrong. He was kind and gentle and patient. I want to thank him for helping me at one of the worst times in my life. I don't think I have sobbed so hard. He took charge like a man should, buried my cat and then held me as I cried. After he made dinner, helped me decorate for Christmas and was just "there" for me. I think the hardest part of this past weekend was admitting to myself that the attraction to him just isn't there. I've been there. I've loved several men who just didn't love be back. I would do everything I could think of to make myself more attractive both physically and emotionally, but it never worked. Often I would get the "its not you its me" and whether it was bull-shit or not, it now makes more sense to me. You can't make someone fall in love with you, the chemistry is either there or it isn't.
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