I remember meeting my first "real boyfriend" in the summer of 1989. We were both living in a crappy apartment complex in West Valley City. His front door over-looked the pool and I used my pre-officer skills to find out his schedule and made sure to be in my hottest bikini around the time he got home. As luck would have it my skills worked and we soon hooked up....and stayed together....all the time. I wanted to be with him all day everyday. It was fun to play house and we got to know each other really fast. Perhaps this is also why we broke up fast.
As a government employee I had Veterans Day off, and my son was out of town for a funeral, so B&B and I decided to spend the weekend together, which started Thursday evening. Thursday evening was chill. We had both been working all week, so it was nice to spend a quiet night together. Friday morning we went out to breakfast and did some more painting in my house. Friday night was our usual movie and home cooked meal night. Saturday morning....I woke up with a twitchy eye and was unusually grouchy. My back was killing me from sleeping in another persons bed. I was not used to his mattress which has starting to concave like a taco from years of use. I had slight dread thinking that I had yet another night to go of physical torture. Where had the spirit of my youth gone? I was supposed to be on cloud 9, loving every minute together with my new boyfriend. Instead, I got up, threw on a pair of stained sweats and the matching shirt I wore the day before. No need for impressions, in fact maybe the smell would be some what of a turn off and I would be rejected and forced to go home and lay on my own couch, in my own house.
B&B has done nothing wrong....it truly is me. I think I have been single for so long that I actually enjoy my alone time but just didn't realize it. By Sunday I think my hair started falling out and I couldn't wear my contacts from the twitchy eye. I felt smothered and really really wanted to be laying on my own couch, in my own home, alone. He asked about spending Thanksgiving together and I about lost my mind. I told him I needed a break....that I need to miss him. He was disappointed, but was a good sport and agreed...He is always a good sport. He really is too good for me. I haven't seen him all week, although we stay in touch by phone and text. Its Friday night and he has made himself "unavailable." I think it is working. I'm starting to miss him.
I'm not sure feeling this way is normal. I now understand how I was able to be in a 3 year, long-distance relationship. The time apart made the time together valuable and meaningful. It was difficult, but I never got the twitchy eye with him.....
Hmmm
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