Wednesday, December 14, 2011
See you in 2012!!!!
I have decided to take the rest of the year off from dating and life! Please check back in 2012 for fun updates and my continued adventures.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Hey Purretty.....
I talked to "pretty" last night. He is the only man that I ever promised marriage too. I called him pretty in a cute loving voice and he called me his labor of love. Ha! That still makes me laugh. It was really good hearing from him. We spent about 30 minutes on the phone and for those that know me, that is an eternity for me as I hate talking on the phone. I was very proud of myself, I didn't ask him anything about his relationship status. I didn't want to know. Although if he is still single, I wouldn't mind getting together for new years. Hmm...so I guess my next plan is finding out if he is single without knowing if he is in a relationship. Yes, it will be another Meriska miracle.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Your ex would like to add u as a friend!
So one of the guys I was dating during the summer recently asked to be my Facebook friend. This normally wouldn't be an odd request but when we were dating he specifically said he had an account but rarely went on it, so I left it at that. Also, we struggled in the progression of the relationship because after three months he still wouldn't introduce me to his children stating he doesn't want women coming in and out of their life. I totally respected that. The problem? After responding to his friend request, what is splattered all over his page? His Devotion and love for his current girlfriend. They even have the "in a relationship with" link. So of course the teenage, immature girl in me had to read their posts to one another. That was mistake number one. I find out they met in October and "haven't spent a day apart since." are u kidding me? What happened to not exposing the kids too soon. I'm sure he did this on purpose right? Why add me as a friend now when your in such a fabulous relationship?
Monday, November 28, 2011
I lost my man and my cat
Horrible Holiday weekend. I had to put my 20 year old cat down. Yes, she was a bitch, yes, she only let me pet her on her terms, but yes, she was mine and loved me unconditionally. I also put down my most recent relationship. I'm not sure if it was the death of the cat, stress of the Holiday's or just my usual sabotage skills, but I just couldn't do it anymore.
He did NOTHING wrong. He was kind and gentle and patient. I want to thank him for helping me at one of the worst times in my life. I don't think I have sobbed so hard. He took charge like a man should, buried my cat and then held me as I cried. After he made dinner, helped me decorate for Christmas and was just "there" for me. I think the hardest part of this past weekend was admitting to myself that the attraction to him just isn't there. I've been there. I've loved several men who just didn't love be back. I would do everything I could think of to make myself more attractive both physically and emotionally, but it never worked. Often I would get the "its not you its me" and whether it was bull-shit or not, it now makes more sense to me. You can't make someone fall in love with you, the chemistry is either there or it isn't.
He did NOTHING wrong. He was kind and gentle and patient. I want to thank him for helping me at one of the worst times in my life. I don't think I have sobbed so hard. He took charge like a man should, buried my cat and then held me as I cried. After he made dinner, helped me decorate for Christmas and was just "there" for me. I think the hardest part of this past weekend was admitting to myself that the attraction to him just isn't there. I've been there. I've loved several men who just didn't love be back. I would do everything I could think of to make myself more attractive both physically and emotionally, but it never worked. Often I would get the "its not you its me" and whether it was bull-shit or not, it now makes more sense to me. You can't make someone fall in love with you, the chemistry is either there or it isn't.
Friday, November 18, 2011
The Long Weekend
I remember meeting my first "real boyfriend" in the summer of 1989. We were both living in a crappy apartment complex in West Valley City. His front door over-looked the pool and I used my pre-officer skills to find out his schedule and made sure to be in my hottest bikini around the time he got home. As luck would have it my skills worked and we soon hooked up....and stayed together....all the time. I wanted to be with him all day everyday. It was fun to play house and we got to know each other really fast. Perhaps this is also why we broke up fast.
As a government employee I had Veterans Day off, and my son was out of town for a funeral, so B&B and I decided to spend the weekend together, which started Thursday evening. Thursday evening was chill. We had both been working all week, so it was nice to spend a quiet night together. Friday morning we went out to breakfast and did some more painting in my house. Friday night was our usual movie and home cooked meal night. Saturday morning....I woke up with a twitchy eye and was unusually grouchy. My back was killing me from sleeping in another persons bed. I was not used to his mattress which has starting to concave like a taco from years of use. I had slight dread thinking that I had yet another night to go of physical torture. Where had the spirit of my youth gone? I was supposed to be on cloud 9, loving every minute together with my new boyfriend. Instead, I got up, threw on a pair of stained sweats and the matching shirt I wore the day before. No need for impressions, in fact maybe the smell would be some what of a turn off and I would be rejected and forced to go home and lay on my own couch, in my own house.
B&B has done nothing wrong....it truly is me. I think I have been single for so long that I actually enjoy my alone time but just didn't realize it. By Sunday I think my hair started falling out and I couldn't wear my contacts from the twitchy eye. I felt smothered and really really wanted to be laying on my own couch, in my own home, alone. He asked about spending Thanksgiving together and I about lost my mind. I told him I needed a break....that I need to miss him. He was disappointed, but was a good sport and agreed...He is always a good sport. He really is too good for me. I haven't seen him all week, although we stay in touch by phone and text. Its Friday night and he has made himself "unavailable." I think it is working. I'm starting to miss him.
I'm not sure feeling this way is normal. I now understand how I was able to be in a 3 year, long-distance relationship. The time apart made the time together valuable and meaningful. It was difficult, but I never got the twitchy eye with him.....
Hmmm
As a government employee I had Veterans Day off, and my son was out of town for a funeral, so B&B and I decided to spend the weekend together, which started Thursday evening. Thursday evening was chill. We had both been working all week, so it was nice to spend a quiet night together. Friday morning we went out to breakfast and did some more painting in my house. Friday night was our usual movie and home cooked meal night. Saturday morning....I woke up with a twitchy eye and was unusually grouchy. My back was killing me from sleeping in another persons bed. I was not used to his mattress which has starting to concave like a taco from years of use. I had slight dread thinking that I had yet another night to go of physical torture. Where had the spirit of my youth gone? I was supposed to be on cloud 9, loving every minute together with my new boyfriend. Instead, I got up, threw on a pair of stained sweats and the matching shirt I wore the day before. No need for impressions, in fact maybe the smell would be some what of a turn off and I would be rejected and forced to go home and lay on my own couch, in my own house.
B&B has done nothing wrong....it truly is me. I think I have been single for so long that I actually enjoy my alone time but just didn't realize it. By Sunday I think my hair started falling out and I couldn't wear my contacts from the twitchy eye. I felt smothered and really really wanted to be laying on my own couch, in my own home, alone. He asked about spending Thanksgiving together and I about lost my mind. I told him I needed a break....that I need to miss him. He was disappointed, but was a good sport and agreed...He is always a good sport. He really is too good for me. I haven't seen him all week, although we stay in touch by phone and text. Its Friday night and he has made himself "unavailable." I think it is working. I'm starting to miss him.
I'm not sure feeling this way is normal. I now understand how I was able to be in a 3 year, long-distance relationship. The time apart made the time together valuable and meaningful. It was difficult, but I never got the twitchy eye with him.....
Hmmm
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Table for one?
So recently I've been reminded of several differences between dating at 20 and dating at 40. First off, when your 20, you rarely talk about marriage, especially within the first 30 days of meeting. In fact, I've gone months and often years before that conversation comes up. At 40, you look at your date on a completely different level and often think to yourself "is this someone I can see myself with next month or married to next year?"
As is the case with B&B. At just under a month, we have gone from 0 to 100mph. We talk about possibly moving in together and /or marriage as if we are ordering breakfast at my favorite diner (Jim's, on Redwood Road. It's really good comfort food. I recommend the "Jim's breakfast" for days you are hung-over or really hungry.....oh god, I am off topic). I'm not necessarily saying its a bad thing, its just definitely another reminder that I am getting old and don't really have years to "take it slow" in getting to know someone the old fashion way......or is this just how we justify rash decisions and how we tend to jump into things too quickly? Current statistics say that first marriages have a 60% failure rate and if you are on your second marriage your odds go up even higher.
So based on statistics because B&B has been married before, we are already doomed; although if I remain single I have a 100% chance of not being a statistic, although another 100% chance of eating breakfast alone at Jim's.
Hmmm.....
As is the case with B&B. At just under a month, we have gone from 0 to 100mph. We talk about possibly moving in together and /or marriage as if we are ordering breakfast at my favorite diner (Jim's, on Redwood Road. It's really good comfort food. I recommend the "Jim's breakfast" for days you are hung-over or really hungry.....oh god, I am off topic). I'm not necessarily saying its a bad thing, its just definitely another reminder that I am getting old and don't really have years to "take it slow" in getting to know someone the old fashion way......or is this just how we justify rash decisions and how we tend to jump into things too quickly? Current statistics say that first marriages have a 60% failure rate and if you are on your second marriage your odds go up even higher.
So based on statistics because B&B has been married before, we are already doomed; although if I remain single I have a 100% chance of not being a statistic, although another 100% chance of eating breakfast alone at Jim's.
Hmmm.....
Friday, November 4, 2011
Pop Quizzes
So B&B is hanging in there. Ive thrown many curve balls at him but he just smiles, tightens up his boot strings and keeps marching. I'm starting to wonder if he is a masochist ;) I'm not sure if its the field of work Im in or just the fact that I have become jaded in my 40 years, but I honestly don't trust anyone....including myself! I am so impulsive and unpredictable and I truly don't want to hurt anyone....especially myself.
In thinking about my previous post/video clip, I wonder if I am struggling with the good vs. bad boys issue. I must say that I do have a penchant for bad boys....they are fun, but usually that wears off fast and for some reason there is a strong correlation between bad boy and dumb boy. I definitely have a wild side in me, but deep down I do want the stability and trust that has to come from the good guy right? For now, I will enjoy my time with B&B and pray he doesn't give up on me. He is so patient and kind and always laughs hard at my jokes/humor. It's also a bonus that he is divorced, as he is papered and house broken (he did the dishes in my kitchen without being asked)!!!!!
Lesson learned: As I continue "testing" him, I'm learning that I am really testing myself.
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
In thinking about my previous post/video clip, I wonder if I am struggling with the good vs. bad boys issue. I must say that I do have a penchant for bad boys....they are fun, but usually that wears off fast and for some reason there is a strong correlation between bad boy and dumb boy. I definitely have a wild side in me, but deep down I do want the stability and trust that has to come from the good guy right? For now, I will enjoy my time with B&B and pray he doesn't give up on me. He is so patient and kind and always laughs hard at my jokes/humor. It's also a bonus that he is divorced, as he is papered and house broken (he did the dishes in my kitchen without being asked)!!!!!
Lesson learned: As I continue "testing" him, I'm learning that I am really testing myself.
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Its because he likes you.....
I like this clip because it truly represents how impressionable children are and how poignant words can be on impressionable minds. Now, if we can just reprogram what we have learned after 40 years!!!! Any thoughts????
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Doomed Daddy's Girl?
My house is about 20 years old, so naturally "little things" are starting to break down and need fixing. Easy problems for a man, or so I thought. I guess I just assume all men can fix things because my dad honestly could. I never remember us hiring out help for any household problem/issue. I've dated several men in the past that I was optimistic about their man skills, but then when they couldn't fix the problem, I become frustrated and dissapointed. They say women often marry men that remind them of their dad. Maybe that is what I am looking for? The hard part for me will be finding my dad with an advanced education, a fantastic personality and a patient disposition. Honestly? I think I just need to take a handyman's class for women. I wonder if they exist? If not, I might have just given you the next million dollar idea.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Sharing A Play Pen
As much as I complain about being single, I can see commitment staring me in the face lately, and I am all but running away. Its kind of like watching a bad school play, where kids who didn't pay attention during practice suddenly find themselves in front of an audience and start acting a fool and/or just tap dance awkwardly off stage left. I know B&B is into me and I know he would love to be the one to give me what I want, what I need and what I deserve, but like the bad grade school kid, I'm not paying attention and just living in the moment and enjoying being the ass clown that I am. I worry I'll push him away but see the holidays around the corner and think that would be nice to have someone to be with at Christmas....omg that sounds awful, but its true. So here I am in the middle of my play-pen of life, wondering what toy I truly want to play with.
Sloppy kisses,
Meriska
Sloppy kisses,
Meriska
Friday, October 21, 2011
Artichoke Pie and Blow Jobs
Saw B&B tonight. He's growing on me. Is that even appropriate to say? I would hate to think that any guy I was interested in kept going out with me because I was "growing on them," its almost as bad as "learning to love someone,"...but its true and its no secret. Ive told him and he has been a good sport about it. Earlier in the week we were talking about food (yes, this seems to be a favorite topic of mine) and somehow the DoDo's Artichoke Pie came up. He told me "consider it done! or consider it made!" I can't remember which, but I do remember he said he would make it ;) So there I was for date number three, at his immaculately clean house, for artichoke pie (with mayo and lemon "whipped cream") and chicken pasta in a creamy pesto sauce. I swear in the two weeks I have known him, I have gained seven pounds. I even told him this. He laughed and said we won't eat this way every time. He is an amazing cook.
Because B&B lives near a park, I asked him if I could bring Sparky (my dog). He said he insisted on it. He was probably just being nice, but because I am a package deal, it was a very smart response on his part While the artichoke pie was cooking, we took Sparky for a walk. He loved running through the foliage, eating grass and of course rolling in something that looks and smells awful. Suddenly I needed to cough. The bad kind of cough. The kind where mucous screams to be expelled and you can't breathe until it is out. I had a sinus infection weeks ago and even after a series of anti-biotics I am still hacking up treasures that slide down the back of my throat. OMG. Well, here goes. I have to do it. Iif I don't, I am going to pass out or throw up (although perhaps that would be a better option). I tell B&B Im sorry but I have to hack. He says not to worry about it, but I'm worried. So I do my best Wyoming woman cough, hack and spit job. I felt better, although the cough jarred my sinuses and I now I need to blow my nose....bad! I consider using my sleeve while telling him to "look over there!" but its a new Nordstrom Caslon T-shirt, so I decide against it. Nope, I have to do it. I start to gag while debating my decision, but it has to be done. I realize that I am about to take our relationship and his impression of me to a whole other level. A level where once gone, there is no returning. Here I go.... my most perfect and precise farmer blow. In front of my date I close one nostril with my thumb and blow. I learned this trick from my son's father. Aparently, its appropriate to do in the locker room after a football game, not sure it is as appropriate on a date. After its done I am waiting for the response and B&B screams: "NICE!" I am mortified, but realize its better he know my bad habits now right?
Later in the evening B&B told me he married his wife after only three weeks of knowing her. I about died. Now I am worried. Now I start to panic and instantly start thinking of ways to sabotage things. I'm enjoying hanging out with B&B and I love always having someone to call or text ;) but marriage? Of course I want to be married and I bitch about being single all the time, but there is something to be said for "courting." I love it and it is a period that goes so fast and is under appreciated, like kissing. I would much rather have a good make out session than have sex. I'm serious. Its more intimate and more personal than sex. Why do you think prostitutes never kiss? Of course your partner has to be a good kisser as well, or kiss like you do, but when two people kiss the same and your into an orgasmic rhythm together, it is beyond poetry or love songs and truly the best way to express how "into" you I am.
Lesson learned: Always bring tissue in my purse or pockets and be careful what questions I ask my dates. I don't want men to missunderstand my intensions, nor do I want to mislead them.
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
Because B&B lives near a park, I asked him if I could bring Sparky (my dog). He said he insisted on it. He was probably just being nice, but because I am a package deal, it was a very smart response on his part While the artichoke pie was cooking, we took Sparky for a walk. He loved running through the foliage, eating grass and of course rolling in something that looks and smells awful. Suddenly I needed to cough. The bad kind of cough. The kind where mucous screams to be expelled and you can't breathe until it is out. I had a sinus infection weeks ago and even after a series of anti-biotics I am still hacking up treasures that slide down the back of my throat. OMG. Well, here goes. I have to do it. Iif I don't, I am going to pass out or throw up (although perhaps that would be a better option). I tell B&B Im sorry but I have to hack. He says not to worry about it, but I'm worried. So I do my best Wyoming woman cough, hack and spit job. I felt better, although the cough jarred my sinuses and I now I need to blow my nose....bad! I consider using my sleeve while telling him to "look over there!" but its a new Nordstrom Caslon T-shirt, so I decide against it. Nope, I have to do it. I start to gag while debating my decision, but it has to be done. I realize that I am about to take our relationship and his impression of me to a whole other level. A level where once gone, there is no returning. Here I go.... my most perfect and precise farmer blow. In front of my date I close one nostril with my thumb and blow. I learned this trick from my son's father. Aparently, its appropriate to do in the locker room after a football game, not sure it is as appropriate on a date. After its done I am waiting for the response and B&B screams: "NICE!" I am mortified, but realize its better he know my bad habits now right?
Later in the evening B&B told me he married his wife after only three weeks of knowing her. I about died. Now I am worried. Now I start to panic and instantly start thinking of ways to sabotage things. I'm enjoying hanging out with B&B and I love always having someone to call or text ;) but marriage? Of course I want to be married and I bitch about being single all the time, but there is something to be said for "courting." I love it and it is a period that goes so fast and is under appreciated, like kissing. I would much rather have a good make out session than have sex. I'm serious. Its more intimate and more personal than sex. Why do you think prostitutes never kiss? Of course your partner has to be a good kisser as well, or kiss like you do, but when two people kiss the same and your into an orgasmic rhythm together, it is beyond poetry or love songs and truly the best way to express how "into" you I am.
Lesson learned: Always bring tissue in my purse or pockets and be careful what questions I ask my dates. I don't want men to missunderstand my intensions, nor do I want to mislead them.
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Same Old Dog, Same Old Tricks
As a former therapist and forever social worker, I have counseled many people with addiction issues and always found myself telling them that it is impossible to go back in life and they must plow forward. Often addicts want to return to friends or family members that brought comfort to them in a previous time in their life, but unfortunately these people are often toxic, also addicts and/or just not good influences on them.
I find myself in this same situation with Mr. "remember my value and worth." I have known him as stated previously for just about ten years and our interactions/dates are always the same. We get together, have a great time, amazing conversation, lots of physical chemistry, the night ends and I NEVER hear from him the next day. Six or so months later he will contact me and we will go through the same scenario again. After years of doing this, I finally promised myself (and him actually) that I was done with the mind games. I even went as far as to delete him from my facebook, now that is commitment right? :)
I wasn't surprised when I heard from him a few weeks ago, it was about "that tim" on the calendar and I was bound and determined to put my new plan of "operation exile" with him in action.....but then my heart got in the way. Even now as I type the tears well up and I am beyond mortified to have yet again be deceived by someone who clearly isn't into me, causes me extreme emotional pain and worst....knows they are doing it. As usual the conversation at first is cool and general and then future plans are always made. This should be my first clue. It is never can I see you tomorrow, or this weekend, its always weeks away, obviously enough time for me to let my guard down. So the "future"plans were made and I saw him last week.
It was good seeing him. I rarely get butterflies anymore and him just opening the door sent chills down my spine and a huge smile on my face.....but that face, his face! OMG he is so dam cute and has the most incredible eyes (besides my own) ever. I'm so nervous that I can't even hug him and I instantly begin rambling at over 100mph to make sure there are not any awkward pauses in conversation, but there never is. Again, great conversation. We get caught up on work, school, our children and our future goals. We talk about personal growth and development and family issues. Topics that I never discuss on other dates or with other men, but with him I always end up emotionally vulnerable. I trust him. I want to trust him. Can I trust him?
How does that song go? "Blame it on the alcohol?" Several whiskey drinks later I find myself at his front door with the same smile, same soft kiss and same broken promises of "staying in touch." This time will be different I think. He's older, more mature, experienced heartbreak himself, his grandparents have died, he sees things differently. He is not shallow and has empathy and sees the promise and potential in people. I want to believe this, I need to believe this...even I don't believe this.
The next day comes quick and I wake with a sick feeling in my stomach.....a feeling I've had before, many times before and I lay there thinking I did it again! I did the same thing again and expected a different result. He's not going to call. He didn't call. I knew he wouldn't call. Even worse, I am compromising a new relationship that I am in, one that looks very promising, but then again, that's what I do. I sabotogue myself. For whatever reason, I can't let this person go. He is like heroin, cocaine and ecstasy all rolled into one. Is the "high" from one night with him every six months, worth the months it takes to deprogram myself and deprogram my heart? I know the answer and am sickened by it.
Lesson learned: Its better to avoid temptation than to resist it.
Frowns and guilt,
Meriska
I find myself in this same situation with Mr. "remember my value and worth." I have known him as stated previously for just about ten years and our interactions/dates are always the same. We get together, have a great time, amazing conversation, lots of physical chemistry, the night ends and I NEVER hear from him the next day. Six or so months later he will contact me and we will go through the same scenario again. After years of doing this, I finally promised myself (and him actually) that I was done with the mind games. I even went as far as to delete him from my facebook, now that is commitment right? :)
I wasn't surprised when I heard from him a few weeks ago, it was about "that tim" on the calendar and I was bound and determined to put my new plan of "operation exile" with him in action.....but then my heart got in the way. Even now as I type the tears well up and I am beyond mortified to have yet again be deceived by someone who clearly isn't into me, causes me extreme emotional pain and worst....knows they are doing it. As usual the conversation at first is cool and general and then future plans are always made. This should be my first clue. It is never can I see you tomorrow, or this weekend, its always weeks away, obviously enough time for me to let my guard down. So the "future"plans were made and I saw him last week.
It was good seeing him. I rarely get butterflies anymore and him just opening the door sent chills down my spine and a huge smile on my face.....but that face, his face! OMG he is so dam cute and has the most incredible eyes (besides my own) ever. I'm so nervous that I can't even hug him and I instantly begin rambling at over 100mph to make sure there are not any awkward pauses in conversation, but there never is. Again, great conversation. We get caught up on work, school, our children and our future goals. We talk about personal growth and development and family issues. Topics that I never discuss on other dates or with other men, but with him I always end up emotionally vulnerable. I trust him. I want to trust him. Can I trust him?
How does that song go? "Blame it on the alcohol?" Several whiskey drinks later I find myself at his front door with the same smile, same soft kiss and same broken promises of "staying in touch." This time will be different I think. He's older, more mature, experienced heartbreak himself, his grandparents have died, he sees things differently. He is not shallow and has empathy and sees the promise and potential in people. I want to believe this, I need to believe this...even I don't believe this.
The next day comes quick and I wake with a sick feeling in my stomach.....a feeling I've had before, many times before and I lay there thinking I did it again! I did the same thing again and expected a different result. He's not going to call. He didn't call. I knew he wouldn't call. Even worse, I am compromising a new relationship that I am in, one that looks very promising, but then again, that's what I do. I sabotogue myself. For whatever reason, I can't let this person go. He is like heroin, cocaine and ecstasy all rolled into one. Is the "high" from one night with him every six months, worth the months it takes to deprogram myself and deprogram my heart? I know the answer and am sickened by it.
Lesson learned: Its better to avoid temptation than to resist it.
Frowns and guilt,
Meriska
Don't cry over spilled guilt
Went to lunch with an attorney the other day. I have always been hesitant of dating attorney's, especially ones I work with because of how awkward it could be if things didn't work out and we still have to interact together in court. I was also "pre-warned" by a male co-worker that all defense attorneys are evil....that made me laugh, because there is definitely a little devil in me and of course this co-worker is still single, so what does he know?
So I met my attorney on the corner and enjoyed the short walk to Little America. Right away, I had met my match for being outgoing, funny and spirited. This man has a lot to say and a short time to say it ;) At the restaurant, I enjoyed the "older" crowd that Little America seems to attract. I can see myself here in 30 more years, hair freshly blown out, orange lipstick and diamonds pinching my sagging fingers, then meeting the girls for bridge. What is bridge anyway? Obviously something I need to learn to do before my "sunset years" Ok I am getting off topic.
Conversation was easy and my date began talking about his children and their life experiences, school, etc. I was listening to him talk about being really close to his son and how they hang out every weekend and ski together in the winter. A rush of guilt and envy came over me. I wish my son were that close with his father, but unfortunately years of football has caused my sons father to not be as mobile and neither of them have similar sporting interests. My date then started talking about his daughter and how she is taking German in school, he thought it would be an amazing experience to immerse her in the language, so he sent her to Germany for the summer. Now anyone that knows my son, knows that he is absolutely fascinated with Germany and WWII and I fought with him all summer over taking Spanish over his beloved German language......I won, but it came with its costs of fights between us. Anyway, this parental gesture put me over the edge. My eyes filled up with tears and I began crying. Yes ladies, there I was in Little America amongst the elderly and my professional date with tears streaming down my face. I was so embarrassed. I owned my feelings and told my date how lucky his children are to have such a support system and that I hoped they treat him like the King he is.
We all want the best for our kids and I have twice those feelings because I beat myself up over the fact that I am raising my son alone and often money is tight and I cant give him everything he wants. Don't get me wrong, the kid is quite spoiled (especially considering how I was raised) but moms always want to give more.
Anyway, my date was so supportive and kind and understanding. He is truly an amazing person and very special. As you can imagine with his profession, he has a very full plate and being a super dad, he is also busy on the weekends. so I'm not sure when we will get together again. He promised me a ski lesson (I have turned into such a puss) and with a long hug and kiss on the cheek, the hour passed quickly. The lesson I learned is you can't move forward with anyone unless you make yourself vulnerable. Although embarrassed to have cried in front of him, I hope he learned that I am sensitive, loving and nurturing........or he could just think that I am crazy ;)
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
So I met my attorney on the corner and enjoyed the short walk to Little America. Right away, I had met my match for being outgoing, funny and spirited. This man has a lot to say and a short time to say it ;) At the restaurant, I enjoyed the "older" crowd that Little America seems to attract. I can see myself here in 30 more years, hair freshly blown out, orange lipstick and diamonds pinching my sagging fingers, then meeting the girls for bridge. What is bridge anyway? Obviously something I need to learn to do before my "sunset years" Ok I am getting off topic.
Conversation was easy and my date began talking about his children and their life experiences, school, etc. I was listening to him talk about being really close to his son and how they hang out every weekend and ski together in the winter. A rush of guilt and envy came over me. I wish my son were that close with his father, but unfortunately years of football has caused my sons father to not be as mobile and neither of them have similar sporting interests. My date then started talking about his daughter and how she is taking German in school, he thought it would be an amazing experience to immerse her in the language, so he sent her to Germany for the summer. Now anyone that knows my son, knows that he is absolutely fascinated with Germany and WWII and I fought with him all summer over taking Spanish over his beloved German language......I won, but it came with its costs of fights between us. Anyway, this parental gesture put me over the edge. My eyes filled up with tears and I began crying. Yes ladies, there I was in Little America amongst the elderly and my professional date with tears streaming down my face. I was so embarrassed. I owned my feelings and told my date how lucky his children are to have such a support system and that I hoped they treat him like the King he is.
We all want the best for our kids and I have twice those feelings because I beat myself up over the fact that I am raising my son alone and often money is tight and I cant give him everything he wants. Don't get me wrong, the kid is quite spoiled (especially considering how I was raised) but moms always want to give more.
Anyway, my date was so supportive and kind and understanding. He is truly an amazing person and very special. As you can imagine with his profession, he has a very full plate and being a super dad, he is also busy on the weekends. so I'm not sure when we will get together again. He promised me a ski lesson (I have turned into such a puss) and with a long hug and kiss on the cheek, the hour passed quickly. The lesson I learned is you can't move forward with anyone unless you make yourself vulnerable. Although embarrassed to have cried in front of him, I hope he learned that I am sensitive, loving and nurturing........or he could just think that I am crazy ;)
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
Friday, October 14, 2011
Friday night lights.....
So I made plans with Mr. Beans and Brew (to be further referred to as B&B) tonight. I usually don't date on Friday nights because I'm exhausted from the work week, but I also didn't want to give up my prized "Saturday night" on someone I still wasn't sure about ;)
After a week of texts and multiple phone calls, I had a pretty good idea I was getting a homemade dinner. I knew this because he kept asking me what my favorite foods and desserts are. So much for the element of surprise. Actually, I was quite thankful. I am not a seafood lover and the last thing I needed was a slab of raw tuna on a plate that I would have to gag down.
I pulled up to his house which is in a quaint country-like setting/neighborhood. The house was beautiful and the inside was immaculate. I immediately told B&B that he would not be coming over to my house based solely on the cleanliness of his house. He laughed and tried to say that his house was so sterile because he is the only one that lives there. Hugs and salutations followed and I was quickly welcomed with a cold whiskey and diet pepsi. Yes, I could get used to being pampered like this.
Dinner was phenomenal and I can honestly say it was better than any restaurant I have been to lately (and I'm not just talking about Sizzler!). I was served a thick cut Rib-eye that had been marinading in home made seasonings, baked potato drizzled in olive oil and rolled in rock salts, baby asparagus and fresh berries "drunk" in a raspberry liquor over pound cake. Absolutely incredible. After a great meal and a couple of whiskey's I could tell this guy is very much into me. This is what I want right? A man that dotes on me, feeds me, is financially stable, doesn't live with mom? My anxiety level started to go up as I started thinking about a future with this particular person. I told myself to stop sabotaging things, enjoy the moment and just go with the flow. I ended the night with a signature kiss and promises of staying in touch. This is a pivotal moment for me, something I have done over and over again. In the back of my mind I know that the answer truly lies in if either one of us "stays in touch."
Lesson learned - Live in the moment, anything can change and there is no need to worry about marriage on the second date ;)
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
After a week of texts and multiple phone calls, I had a pretty good idea I was getting a homemade dinner. I knew this because he kept asking me what my favorite foods and desserts are. So much for the element of surprise. Actually, I was quite thankful. I am not a seafood lover and the last thing I needed was a slab of raw tuna on a plate that I would have to gag down.
I pulled up to his house which is in a quaint country-like setting/neighborhood. The house was beautiful and the inside was immaculate. I immediately told B&B that he would not be coming over to my house based solely on the cleanliness of his house. He laughed and tried to say that his house was so sterile because he is the only one that lives there. Hugs and salutations followed and I was quickly welcomed with a cold whiskey and diet pepsi. Yes, I could get used to being pampered like this.
Dinner was phenomenal and I can honestly say it was better than any restaurant I have been to lately (and I'm not just talking about Sizzler!). I was served a thick cut Rib-eye that had been marinading in home made seasonings, baked potato drizzled in olive oil and rolled in rock salts, baby asparagus and fresh berries "drunk" in a raspberry liquor over pound cake. Absolutely incredible. After a great meal and a couple of whiskey's I could tell this guy is very much into me. This is what I want right? A man that dotes on me, feeds me, is financially stable, doesn't live with mom? My anxiety level started to go up as I started thinking about a future with this particular person. I told myself to stop sabotaging things, enjoy the moment and just go with the flow. I ended the night with a signature kiss and promises of staying in touch. This is a pivotal moment for me, something I have done over and over again. In the back of my mind I know that the answer truly lies in if either one of us "stays in touch."
Lesson learned - Live in the moment, anything can change and there is no need to worry about marriage on the second date ;)
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Remembering my value and worth
Earlier this week I had an old "friend" contact me. This friend usually pops in and out of my life every six months. I met him almost ten years ago and had an instant connection with him, but he had just gotten divorce and as usual, timing was not right. Anyway, I am a true believer that everyone comes into our life for a reason with a definitive purpose...there are no coincidences. As we were catching up, he asked me: "why do you think you are still single." Instantly a lump appeared in my throat and I fought the stinging amonia of tears formulating in my eyes. The good news was, this was a text conversation, he wouldn't be able to read any of my body language. In usual Meriska fashion, I quickly replied with something charming and witty.
It wasn't until I was shopping at Ross tonight (they are having a fabulous sale on boots ladies!) that it suddenly hit me. I am single for a reason. It is a choice and I refuse to settle. I put my boots down, dug through my purse and found my cell phone. I quickly typed the following to my male friend: "thank you for your thought invoking question the other day. I am finally ready to answer. I am single because the love I have to offer is special and priceless and it would be better for me to remain single, than for such love to be lost or destroyed in the wrong hands." I felt empowered, proud and needed that reminder of who I am. It's easy as women to get lost in our everyday lives, work and our kids schedules. I truly believe in what I said and I hope those reading get empowered themselves to remember their personal value and worth.
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
It wasn't until I was shopping at Ross tonight (they are having a fabulous sale on boots ladies!) that it suddenly hit me. I am single for a reason. It is a choice and I refuse to settle. I put my boots down, dug through my purse and found my cell phone. I quickly typed the following to my male friend: "thank you for your thought invoking question the other day. I am finally ready to answer. I am single because the love I have to offer is special and priceless and it would be better for me to remain single, than for such love to be lost or destroyed in the wrong hands." I felt empowered, proud and needed that reminder of who I am. It's easy as women to get lost in our everyday lives, work and our kids schedules. I truly believe in what I said and I hope those reading get empowered themselves to remember their personal value and worth.
Sloppy Kisses,
Meriska
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Maybe next summer?
So I invited an old friend from high school to dinner recently, my treat....and I'm not cheap. I could of guaranteed and appetizer and a good cut of steak. ;) Anyway, the friend got back to me tonight and said that he switched jobs and was no longer working in the State. He did report that he may be back in Utah next summer and suggested we get together then. As a woman I was not sure how to take this. I know for the man, it was cut and dry (I don't live here anymore, thanks for the invitation). But for me, it opened up new wounds. Am I really at the age where my dates are scheduled and set by seasons? I remember listening to adults when I was a small child and they would make plans to see each other at the next reunion, or Christmas and I always thought that was so sad. Is it a natural progression of life, or because I have crossed the threshold of 40, am I doomed to be single and available next summer?
Beans and Brew
In continuing to "find love at 40," I met someone a week ago Sunday at a Beans and Brew. Although my mentor Patti Stanger would be against this, Ive found that outside of a few rare tigers, the majority of men these days want to conduct "interviews," and coffee is about as much as they want to spend at a blind meeting. So I pulled on my cutest jeans and a darling sweater (thanks to the recent weather change) and enjoyed the drive in the rain to the coffee shop. I was warned about his vehicle (an older model van that he was left with after a divorce), so I knew exactly who my date was, when I pulled up next to his faded mystery machine. Big smiles, hugs and introductions. Always starts the same, and for the most part, ends the same way.....big smiles, hugs and thanks you's.
I got a carmel mocchiato and although incredibly delicious, I knew that it would keep me up all night. Small talk, usual questions and then I get "So, what do you think of me so far?" Omg, what do I say to that? I admit that I am not the best at giving first impressions, so I definitely don't want to misjudge and say something I regret but I honestly didn't feel an attraction. Poor guy, he did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, he just wasn't my "type" or typical of anyone that I usually date. In the back of my mind I kept hearing something that I preach to other women and that is "open yourself up to other types of men, date outside of your comfort zone as your 'type' obviously isn't working." So I tell the guy with a big smile that I think he is great, but that he does remind me of a dad (I couldn't resist, there was a Richard Karn or James Gandolfini vibe that I got from him). "Well do you want to see me again?" Omg, I'm digging a hole that I can't get out. I absolutely hate hurting any one's feelings, especially since I am usually the one sitting across from someone that I am truly into. "Of course!" So, there you go...I have already scheduled the "second" date, for better or worse.
I got a carmel mocchiato and although incredibly delicious, I knew that it would keep me up all night. Small talk, usual questions and then I get "So, what do you think of me so far?" Omg, what do I say to that? I admit that I am not the best at giving first impressions, so I definitely don't want to misjudge and say something I regret but I honestly didn't feel an attraction. Poor guy, he did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, he just wasn't my "type" or typical of anyone that I usually date. In the back of my mind I kept hearing something that I preach to other women and that is "open yourself up to other types of men, date outside of your comfort zone as your 'type' obviously isn't working." So I tell the guy with a big smile that I think he is great, but that he does remind me of a dad (I couldn't resist, there was a Richard Karn or James Gandolfini vibe that I got from him). "Well do you want to see me again?" Omg, I'm digging a hole that I can't get out. I absolutely hate hurting any one's feelings, especially since I am usually the one sitting across from someone that I am truly into. "Of course!" So, there you go...I have already scheduled the "second" date, for better or worse.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Wrestling with the cubs
So I get an email this morning on a popular dating website from a 19 year old! He said to me: " whats up how are you today?? im scott btw you seem very sweet. i would love to get to know you:)..... You're like a prize winning fish... I dont know whether to eat you or mount you .:):)
Can you tell I literally copied and pasted what he said? I have been absolutely fascinated with this cub/cougar craze and if I was still in graduate school, would honestly consider doing a thesis on it. Anyway, I responded to him with: "Do you have mommy issues? I'm not sure whether to spank you or wash your mouth out with soap." I thought it was pretty funny...he did not.
Can you tell I literally copied and pasted what he said? I have been absolutely fascinated with this cub/cougar craze and if I was still in graduate school, would honestly consider doing a thesis on it. Anyway, I responded to him with: "Do you have mommy issues? I'm not sure whether to spank you or wash your mouth out with soap." I thought it was pretty funny...he did not.
Mr. Barnes and Noble
Had a good date last night. I was really excited to meet him, as he was perfect on paper (aren't we all?). He was 6 5" dark brown eyes, bald (the good kind with the perfect head to compliment it with no moles, freckles or weird spots). He had straight teeth and a fra fra (my word for goatee). We decided to meet at Barnes and Noble because he is on a reading kick. I was beyond elated to finally be able to wear high heels. I saw him right away and gave him one of my famous smiles. After a good solid hug and "nice to meet you" we got tea and settled down to chat in the cafe. The usual questions ensued with me noticing him looking at my shoes. He complimented me on them and I told him how excited I was to wear them because I finally met someone who was legitimately taller than me. He then proceeded to tell me he has a foot fetish.....hey, who am I to judge (thank god I had a fresh pedicure!)? I told him at least he has something that he knows for sure will get him in the mood. ;) I then ask him about his ethnicity because he said that he is "mixed race." He asked me to guess...I hate guessing, I'm always wrong and then someone gets offended. After trying to get out of it and realizing he was not going to let up, I blurted out "Polynesian?" No. "Middle Eastern? NO! I told him "see? I hate guessing, just tell me." He then gets a serious look on his face and says he is half Hispanic, have Norwegian.....as in the vikings. "That is why I am so big," he said, "I am a Viking."
Well, at least he doesn't have identity issues. I wasn't sure whether to chuckle or just go with it....I just went with it. We then got into conversation about school, careers, etc. I have a horrible habit of trying to "fix" people (I'm pretty good at figuring out everybody else's life but my own). I'm sure I said too much or offended him when commenting on his personal goals and giving him other "ideas" on how to reach that goal. He commented that I am further along at my age than he is and then shared his upbringing that may have correlated to him taking a bit longer to grow up than others. This information didn't bother me a bit....at least he did go back to school, despite adversity.
The grandma in me started yawning (maybe this was another negative sign) and I told him I really needed to get home and ready for bed. He walked me out to my car, I gave him a strong hug, loving how tall and strong he seemed. I swear my boobs hurt after it was that intense. Big smile and a "talk to you later" and the date was over.
Being a woman of the 21st century I texted him the next day, saying that I was thinking about him and hoping he was enjoying his day off. I got a quick "I'm at the gym" and then nothing else. So, not sure what to think of my viking. Maybe I was too much for him, or maybe he just wasn't interested. He was giving me really strong signals, good eye contact, big smiles, lots of laughing and he seemed to enjoy my perefectly pedicured toes delicately wrapped in my strappy black sandals. hmmm....maybe this one is to be continued?
Well, at least he doesn't have identity issues. I wasn't sure whether to chuckle or just go with it....I just went with it. We then got into conversation about school, careers, etc. I have a horrible habit of trying to "fix" people (I'm pretty good at figuring out everybody else's life but my own). I'm sure I said too much or offended him when commenting on his personal goals and giving him other "ideas" on how to reach that goal. He commented that I am further along at my age than he is and then shared his upbringing that may have correlated to him taking a bit longer to grow up than others. This information didn't bother me a bit....at least he did go back to school, despite adversity.
The grandma in me started yawning (maybe this was another negative sign) and I told him I really needed to get home and ready for bed. He walked me out to my car, I gave him a strong hug, loving how tall and strong he seemed. I swear my boobs hurt after it was that intense. Big smile and a "talk to you later" and the date was over.
Being a woman of the 21st century I texted him the next day, saying that I was thinking about him and hoping he was enjoying his day off. I got a quick "I'm at the gym" and then nothing else. So, not sure what to think of my viking. Maybe I was too much for him, or maybe he just wasn't interested. He was giving me really strong signals, good eye contact, big smiles, lots of laughing and he seemed to enjoy my perefectly pedicured toes delicately wrapped in my strappy black sandals. hmmm....maybe this one is to be continued?
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Plenty of Something....
So I go online to a popular dating site and put up a profile, woke up to 20 new messages....wow, maybe I still got it right? 15, and let me repeat 15!!!! of them were boys ages 22 to 25. What is this new cub trend? Im so over dating people I know wont go anywhere, but I am a girl that will do most things once right? How old were the other men that responded you ask? 57 to 65. Although the appeal of tight, hot, young men makes me tingle inside, Im probably more compatible with the older ones who are ready for bed by 9:00!
Donating for Donations
I have also been talking with a guy who is a civilian employee in management at Hill Air Force Base, so I'm thinking he is stable, good job, minimal problems, little drama, etc....good catch right? We were having a great conversation when I suddenly lost him. I was busy at work, so I didn't think much of it. Later in the day I just got a text that said: "sorry about earlier....i donate plasma for extra money and I literally blacked out after." WTF? I then asked: "why are you donating plasma (my offenders do this!)?" He said that he is recently divorced and with alimony, child support and a $1700 mortgage "every penny counts." Not quite sure I want to date someone that I have to worry will pass out in the middle of dinner.
At this rate, my book is literally writing itself
At this rate, my book is literally writing itself
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